How much....How Little...?

How much...do i miss...
the softness of Your kiss...that turns into the heat i long to feel..?

How little...do You see...
the want inside of me...that drives my every dream and makes them real?

How crazy...do i get...
while waiting for You yet...and knowing it's still days until You're here?

How beating...is my heart....
whenever we're apart....and my arms simply ache to hold you near..?

Your breath upon my ear...
my fantasies awake.
Your touch upon my skin...
my body Yours to take.

The trembling as you drag...
Your fingers to my knee.
The whimpering ensues...
as my eyes cease to see.

my senses overcome...
Your body over mine.
my aching strong desire...
You taking Your sweet time.
to drive me to the brink...
the edge of lust honed keen.
i widen to Your touch...
Your own desire glean.

How much...can i say...
so You will understand...that want for You is on my waking mind...?

How little...must it seem...
i barely say a word...to lessen the frustration we both find...?

How much...do You know...
of what i do not say...to tell You what i feel when You're not near...?

How little...oh how little...
of every long, long day...is time i don't spend wishing You were here...?

Emily...

Sometimes there aren't enough rocks...

You know that line in Forrest Gump where he says, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." ?

Well, I think I learned what that means today. I went to visit my father, with whom I have been through so much in the past few years. One bout with cancer, followed by another. Even in his weakest states. he was still there for me. Still there to listen to my petty complaints. Still there to cling to in my own weakest moments. Still there to hold me tight and let me lean a bit. But mostly, he still leaned on me. As he always did.

He's weaker now. Older. So much older. Gone are the days of backyard kickball, being held when I fall. Gone too, the moments when I could lean. He still listens. One of the best listeners I know. But he doesnt answer, or advise, or really have much of anything to add. He's just...weak. And it pisses me off.

I want him back. Strong and able. Even if he wants to lean on me heavier than he ever did. I want him back. Playing and laughing, no complaints. Tall...running...hell..I would settle for walking. I want him back.

So when I left, walking across his gravel drive, I picked up a rock. Launched it at the nearest thing, which happened to be an old wooden shed. Unfortunately no windows to break, because that would have felt really good. So I threw another and another..launching all of my irritation at his cancer..at what it stole from him, from me, from us. I launched it at that shed and I said a lot of bad words. And when I was done, I looked up at his window, and he was standing there. The effort that took for him at this point, is pretty huge. But he was doing what he always did. Making sure I got to my car safely. That I was well on my way and he could not worry.  Letting me lean..in his way.

I know this post has nothing to do with my usual ones. Sorry about that, but I needed to write it anyway. Life is so short...and all the things we take for granted are over before we know what hit us. And there we find ourselves throwing rocks at a shed..just because it feels good. And watching our old and fragile daddies looking down at us from windows....with a smile.

Emily...

He Sweetens Me...

with music with light with an erotic night
with power with grace
that mole on His face i love to kiss....

the best coffee i ever had
was spent staring at Him
letting Him know all the things i couldnt say
with my eyes
and know they were no longer lies...

His arms hold me tight, wrap me in with such care
i can't breathe sometimes when i look and He's there
and all the silly rhymes in the world
mean nothing if He cant touch me...

He sweetens me...

with kindness and passion
with spoiling and spanking
with giving and taking
with bending and testing
but never breaking...

He sweetens me...

when i have gone sour
or cant find an hour
to hear His voice tell me good night
He sweetens me with light...

a touch, a look are candy to me
the shiver he brings is my cup of tea
and when He says "Now", i tremble with glee
because i know that He means to...

sweeten me...

Emily

Good Gravy I Want Him!

when He wants me i quake...my desire rising hot and sharp...filling me with shivers of anticipation and flooding heat...
 i open to Him..my knees bend as i drop slowly to the floor...sensory overload from want...my eyes close and i can barely breathe...
His hands are rough as they delve in my hair...tightening twists of tendrils and time begins to tick...tick..tick...slowly..slower...slow...slow...slow...each touch driving a new moan from between parted lips...i crave His taste...
He stands before me..legs wide...He pulls my chin up...i look in His eyes...and see the burning there..the spark of fire that signals lust to course through my veins...

He whispers...words i cannot repeat for they are mine and mine alone...as i am His...alone...
i nuzzle in to His hip...that warm crevice of His scent and drink Him in...breathing..deep..deep...deep...my mouth open to absorb...soaking myself in Him...Him...His scent..His...
my knees begin to tingle from the hardness of the floor...the wood creaking beneath my weight..the old floor shifting...slightly...my hands begin to thread gently along his thighs...

oh fuck...this is making me far too horny to continue...that's the problem with want...with desire..with circumstance and distance..it's fucking frustrating! i'll be back when ive gotten laid...
Emily...

A Weekend of Firsts

This weekend was full of new experiences for me. That doesn't happen often, I think...to anyone.

It was the first time I've ever stayed at a bed and breakfast that was hidden; tucked like a secret little gem in the heart of a big city, the pink room chosen especially for me...

The first time a certain spot on my body sent me clawing at the sheets, screaming in ecstasy the instant it was touched...

The first time a man has wrapped me in his coat to warm me from the night air as we wandered the streets in our finery...

The first time electricity has passed from a heated tongue to my toes...

The first time I've ever been surrounded by a million mirrors, or walked through a breathing glass castle as it rose from the pavement...

The first time I've been kissed, breathlessly, repeatedly..in front of a hundred people...

My first center bite of a corned beef special...

The first time I realized that maybe I'm not as lost as I thought...

The first time He saw my stars...heard my fingers play...

The first time I recognized that I writhe quite a bit more than most little pets are capable of...

The first time someone has chosen a stone because of me...

The first time a man has attached my garters to my stockings, and not the other way around...

The first time I knew completely I was saying the wrong thing...and said it anyway...

The first time my dinner was ordered for me...the first time I've ever tried ceviche, the flavors still tingling on my tastebuds...

The first time I almost went dancing at a gay bar, but was instead put into a taxi so we could dance alone...

And..believe it or not...the first time anyone has ever told me they could be falling in love with me...and even though it is unwanted...it was so very nice to hear...

Emily

Monday Morsels...Snippets

short visits and long hugs good-bye
fat hairy babies who try to say your name
apparently...eating a coconut...
naps...

i will never forget...

smiles in the morning when someone says hello...
holding hands so far away...so close by...
teasing through the evening..
plans...

...thank you...

thoughts of His kiss your company...
smooth stones held near...
all the little things He does...says...
sighs...

every one...

new furniture being...christened...
wanting...waiting...whimpers...
red...pink...and in between...
chopsticks...

...hhmmmpphh...hehe

yesterday...tomorrow...Saturday...
crisp, clean sheets...
wrinkled, clutched ones...
heat...

oh my...

breath, hot on my ear...
promises of begging...
obeying...with sass...
Him...

and smiles...

Emily

He Wants...

He wants to hear me scream...He said...
He wants me to spend a day in bed...
He wants my whimpers...wants my moans
He wants to hear deep feral groans...

Yes...Sir...

He wants me to smile...
He wants me softly to beguile...
He wants to hear my laughing snort...
He wants to distract me writing a report...

Yes...Sir...

He wants to know my fantasy...
He wants to make it come to be...
He wants to make me beg out loud...
He wants me dazed and in a cloud...

Yes...Sir...

He wants wax, splashing hot...
He wants nothing I am not...
He wants waves of heat to rise...
He wants me looking in His eyes...

Yes, Sir...

He wants me feeling...
He leaves me reeling...
He wants...

Yes...Sir...

Em :-*